


Under

by toxzen



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU good guy kylo ren, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hand Jobs, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Self-Harm, Slow Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, emo space diva, if there is any we'll see, sassy third person narrator, well good is relative
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-06-05 13:25:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6706135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxzen/pseuds/toxzen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snoke had had a hold on him ever since he was a child, but Ben had always fought against this control. When he was dragged into the ranks of the Knights of Ren and bestowed with the title 'Kylo Ren', clinging to the light became all the more difficult.<br/>--<br/>Or: the one where Kylo Ren is a double-agent and trying to remain good</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. See, I'm Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to play around with the idea of kylo being on the side of the light despite is rank as apprentice sith lord. basically everything in ren's past has occurred and this happens before the events of the movie. his goal is to get close enough to snoke to execute him but also kylux porn because porn is fun
> 
> title from under by alex hepburn  
> chapter titles are the lyrics

Kylo Ren had never met Snoke in person. Even as a child, he had only encountered the man--creature?--in dreams, or a coarse word brought to him as if on the wind. The balance of light and dark inside him had swayed back and forth ever since that first whisper. Even after he had pledged his apprenticeship to Snoke, the Sith Lord had said nothing of meeting him. He knew Snoke could sense the struggle with the light raging inside of him and he tried to bury it as best he could, especially when he stood beneath the holographic projection of the Supreme Leader.

Kylo released a short sigh of relief as he stepped out of the audience chamber. Hux glanced in his direction before continuing toward the bridge. The knight's head was pounding from holding up his walls while in Snoke's presence. Sweat dribbled down the back of the neck. Like always after he was released from Snoke's presence with his heart rampaging in his chest, he wondered what had brought him this far. He could have gotten out; he could have gone to Luke and the Jedi could have protected him, but Snoke had always seemed like a part of him. How could Luke have removed an entire piece of Kylo from himself? 

Kylo walked quickly down the corridor of the Fatalizer after Hux. He could think of thousands of alternatives to achieving his goal, all of which included not being embroiled in the festering miasma that was the Dark Side. He shivered at the thought. He had felt the lurking evil within him ever since he was a child; he was no stranger to the dark, but he'd always managed to keep it bay, for the most part anyway.

He and the general reached the control deck. Hux went to Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka, who had been in charge during his absence. The men began murmuring quiet. Kylo stalked in slow circles around the deck. He spent most of his time here, since it kept him close to Hux. The general was another one of his targets. If he could bring down the High Commander of the First Order, it would be like cutting off at least one snake head. His ears were attuned to the conversation being held between the two military men. They were discussing the operation that would take place tomorrow on a small planet in the Corva sector. The mission's objective was to discover more information about Luke Skywalker's location. Hux had poured time and energy into the mission and Kylo could tell from the steely glint in his eye that he was hellbent on seeing the mission executed properly. 

Kylo left the bridge. He wasn't one to think his plans through, like the general did. He went with his gut, following the pull of the Force. He set off for the lower decks, where he would find off-duty stormtroopers. There, he collected three platoons worth of men and ordered them to accompany him to the planet's surface. He could tell that there was confusion in their ranks since they had expected the mission to be conducted the following day, but they had also been trained to follow ever command issued from their superiors, and Kylo was one such higher-ranked official. 

The planet was rumored to be under Resistance control, which was why Hux was being cautious in his approach. Kylo ordered his ships to the surface with little to no surreptitiousness. Immediately it was confirmed that the planet harbored Resistance. As his ships landed, they were beset by rebel forces. The stormtroopers marched off the ships and set to work engaging the rebels. 

Kylo strode off the landing ramp. His cloak billowed around him as he walked. He glanced around. A small village lay before them. If the First Order's intel was correct, somewhere in this village was a fragment of the Skywalker map. Kylo steeled himself for what he must do. He'd taken lives before: on the mud-splattered field surrounding the Jedi Temple he had struck down his friends, his comrades, his family. His ruse was impossible to maintain without doing this. Every life he took weighed heavy on him, but he had to do this, for the greater good. 

* * *

 "What the fuck were you thinking?" Hux was yelling at him.

Kylo exhaled slowly through his nose as he tried to maintain his composure. He sat on the stiff couch in his quarters. His left leg was bent in front of him on the cushion and the sole of his right foot was propped on his ankle bone. He stared at the table in front of him. He had to school his features to stillness since he didn't have his mask on, but that always proved difficult when Hux was chewing him a new one.

"You knew the plan, Ren. You knew it, and you fucking ruined it." The general, who had been pacing back and forth beside the couch, came to a halt and glared down at the other male. "What were you thinking?"

"We were wasting time," Kylo snarled as he returned the general's glare. "If you had continued sitting around with your thumb up your ass, the map fragment could have been sent off planet."

"Oh, oh, yes," Hux said in a steely voice. "The map fragment. And where exactly might. That. Be?!"

Kylo flinched away from the words that were screamed down on him. The knight's impromptu mission had been a dismal failure, in Hux's eyes at least. Yes, a rebel base had been wiped out, but the goal had been the acquisition of a map fragment and Ren had nothing to show for his 'efforts'.

"I--"

"Silence." Hux crossed the distance between them. He grabbed Kylo's hair and yanked his head back.

The knight gasped and stared up at him. He could feel the anger boiling up inside of himself. Whenever this happened there was never much he could do to keep it from engulfing him. His hands began to tremble and he gritted his teeth.

"You failed, Kylo Ren," Hux hissed down at him. "You failed because you were stupid and impatient and--"

"Enough!" Kylo jerked out of Hux's grip and hurled himself to his feet. He grabbed the front of the general's uniform coat. "We wiped out a rebel base; we found intel on other base locations; we did not fail, not entirely."

"When the map is at stake, nothing else matters," Hux shot back. He had regained some composure. His voice had quieted and he straightened his shoulders. Though he often pushed Ren over the brink, he never tried to antagonize him more once the knight had lost his cool. He knew how dangerous Ren was. "You may explain your reasoning behind your actions--if there was any--to Snoke if he asks, but don't try to play this off to me as anything other than an absolute failure." He wrapped his hands around Kylo's  wrists and pulled the other male's hands off his jacket. He turned and left the room.

Kylo continued to quake with anger. Finally, he spun, ripping his saber from his belt as he moved, and sliced the coffee table to pieces. When it had been diced up into lumps of metal, Kylo stepped back. His breathing slowed. He sheathed his saber and crouched down. He cradled his head in his hands and tried to regain some semblance of control over his emotions.

* * *

 "I feel so lost," Kylo murmured as he stared down at the charred and disfigured mask that sat on the pedestal before him. "Please, show me what I should do. Surely this is the right thing? I wish you would show me a sign." Kylo dropped his face into his hands. "I feel like I'm losing my mind. Every time he's close to me I feel so disgusted with myself." Kylo shivered at the image of Snoke that his mind conjured up. "I feel so...perverse..."

A soft knock drew his attention to the door. Kylo glanced slowly toward the sound. General Hux stood in the doorway. The door must have slid opened without Kylo even noticing. The general was frowning as he stared at the slender knight. Kylo jumped to his feet. Horror crossed his visage, which was exposed to Hux. Several hours had passed since the general had left his quarters. Kylo had remained inside. He didn't want to face the crew. Hux was probably making it abundantly clear he considered the mission a failure, and Kylo hated the embarrassment and shame that came with this fact, despite his personal feelings of success. 

"What are you doing here?" Kylo snarled. His hands curled into fists. How much had he heard? How long had he been standing there? Kylo's mind tumbled over these inquiries and he felt panic rising in his chest. 

"Is everything alright, Lord Ren?" Hux asked cautiously. His eyes flickered over Kylo's face. 

"Everything's fine, general," Kylo snapped, but his voice broke on the last word. He flushed and looked away quickly. 

"Ren, if you are having...difficulties...you should bring them up with Sn--"

"No!" 

Hux raised his eyebrows at Kylo's outburst. The knight worked his mouth, but no sound came out. He huffed and stared at the floor. 

"This has nothing to do with Snoke," Kylo said. It had everything to do with him. 

"We need your mind inside your head and not lost, Ren," Hux said with a wry smile. "If there's someone who's making you feel..." Hux trailed off. 

"This is nothing you need concern yourself with, general," Kylo said quietly. He continued to stare diligently down at the floor in front of his bare feet. 

"Kylo, you can talk to me, if you need to," Hux said. "You can tell me: who is bothering you?"

"You," Kylo gushed. His head snapped back and he stared at the general. His expression of shock perfectly mirrored the general's.

"Me?" the general said. "So I make you feel disgusted with yourself? Since I'm close to you now."

"No--that is--I--" Kylo stuttered. His eyes flickered around the room. 

"Ren," Hux said, enunciating the syllable slowly and precisely. "If you have any issue with me--"

"I'm attracted to you!" He caught his lip in between his teeth. What the hell was he saying? 

"Attracted to me," Hux repeated. "Do you mean sexually?"

"Yes."  _No_. "It's disgusting and I hate it." Kylo stared at the floor. He was trembling. 

"I'm sorry I disgust you so much." Hux sounded genuinely  _hurt,_ but his face did nothing to betray this fact _._

"No, it's just..." Kylo looked up at him with wide eyes. Slowly his mind began to formulate coherent thoughts. He could work with this; he could use this. "That's not what I mean. It's just...I was afraid  _you'd_ think it's disgusting."

"I don't," Hux said simply. 

"You don't," Kylo said, blinking at him in surprise, "but I'm--" Kylo gestured lamely at himself. 

"I had never considered you in such a way," Hux said. He leaned against the doorframe and folded his arms. He seemed to have gotten over the initial shock of what had just been confessed, and now had a considering expression on his face. "Is this why you take so much issue in my command?"

"No, that's because you're an asshole," Kylo muttered under his breath. He leaned back against the pedestal behind him. 

Hux chuckled lightly and shook his head. 

"Are you sure that's what is upsetting you?" The general's eyes narrowed.

Shit. Did he not believe Kylo ? Did he think he was lying? What should Kylo do? The brunet moved forward of his own accord. When he was mere inches from Hux, he bent forward and pressed his lips against the general's.


	2. Of the Darkness and the Demons

_What the fuck?_ Kylo screamed at himself as he stepped away from Hux. The general stared at him. His face was expressionless, but his eyebrows had quirked slightly. Kylo gaped at the man. Suddenly, he pressed his hands against the general’s chest. He shoved the man out of the room and slammed his fist on the control panel by the door. The door slid shut and Kylo locked it.

His breathing came in stuttering gasps as he sunk into a crouch. His mind was screaming at him. After a moment, he heard Hux’s footsteps recede away from the door. Kylo breathed a sigh of relief. His thoughts began to slow there incessant tumbling inside his skull. 

Well, there was no backing out of this. He had basically just dug his own grave where the general was concerned. Now he just had to play the role of sexually-attracted-to-the-general. This wasn’t entirely unappealing…What was he thinking? Hux was a sociopath and a murderer. _You aren’t much different in that regard_ , a small voice in the back of his mind reminded him. Kylo shook his head. 

This was fine, he tried to reason with himself. He could work with this. He stood up and unlocked the door. He walked slowly to the couch and sat down on it. The remains of the coffee table stood before him. He breathed a calming sigh and dropped his head onto the back of the couch. 

If he got close to the general, he’d be better equipped to fuck with the man, and fuck him. Kylo shuddered at the thought. He’d forced himself into a corner in that regard. If push came to shove, he couldn’t exactly laugh this off. He’d confessed to being attracted to the man and then _kissed_ him. He couldn’t play it off as a practical joke, at least not one that Hux would buy. Hux was smart, and Kylo was a bumbling idiot.

Kylo shook his head and slunk into his bedroom. He curled up on the stiff mattress and dimmed the lights. He’d deal with this tomorrow.

* * *

 Kylo did not deal with this tomorrow. In fact, the next day found him doing everything in his power to completely ignore what had happened the night before. He spent the day in the training room, pummeling a dummy with his fists. He was something of an expert at ignoring certain aspects of his life. Nevertheless, when he finally called an end to his workout some eight hours after he'd begun, thoughts of Hux completely bombarded his psyche. 

Among the items procured from the rebel base the day before was a large sum of alcohol. Kylo had never been one to imbibe--in fact he'd never gotten drunk before--but he suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to do just that. He let himself into the storage that held these provisions and a quick  _force_ ful word to the stormtrooper on duty erased his presence there from the man's mind.

He returned to his quarters and took a quick shower. He dressed in loose black pants and a tank top before sitting down on the couch. The ruined coffee table had been replaced at some point during the day. Hux, being the diligent and scrupulous man that he was, had probably filed a maintenance order. Kylo shook his head as he uncorked the bottle he had procured. 

He took a sip of the yellowish liquid and gagged. He stared at the bottle. He certainly  _hope_ _d_ this was alcohol and not some toxic substance. Kylo shrugged. He wasn't entirely opposed to the thought of poisoning himself. With this in mind, he drained more than half the bottle. 

He was slouched against the arm of the couch, the bottle on the floor beside him, when he became aware that someone was standing over him. He rolled his eyes back and stared up at General Hux. The ginger-haired man stood beside the couch with his arms folded. 

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"What it look like?" Kylo slurred. 

"It looks like you broke the explicit rule of no libations on the Finalizer," Hux said as he bent down and picked up the bottle the knight had almost entirely finished off. He glanced over the label, which was written in an alien text, before placing the bottle on the coffee table.

"Whoops," Kylo said, tossing his hands in the air in a lazy shrug.

"Ren," Hux said sternly. "Does this have anything to do with what happened yesterday?"

"What happened yesterday?" Kylo asked, squinting up at the other man. His mind was such a mess from the alcohol that he honestly wasn't certain what the general was referring. He had some vague recollection of an altercation the day before. "You mean you yelling at me? You do that all the time. Why should I care?"

"That's not what I meant," Hux said with a small sigh. He crouched down beside the couch and looked at Kylo. "I'm referring to when you confessed to having certain feelings for me and then kissed me." 

"Oh," Kylo said. " _Oh_. I remember that." Kylo laughed. The noise was warm and bubbly. He rubbed the back of his neck. "My bad. I didn't--" Kylo stopped. His eyes hovered on Hux's face. 

The general was quite attractive if one was partial to a man who looked like he had a stick shoved up his ass. His face was pale and angled. His thatch of red hair was combed back from his forehead. His lips were full and curved. 

Kylo pushed forward off the couch. He dropped an elbow onto the general's shoulder and slotted their lips together. Hux grunted. He had to perform an impressive feat of balancing to keep from pitching backward. His hand found Kylo's hip to keep the other male from falling off the couch. Ren's tongue darted out and swiped over Hux's lips. 

"Ren," Hux said as he tried to pull back, but Kylo locked his arm behind Hux's head.

The knight shoved his tongue into Hux's mouth. He brought his other hand to Hux's hair and slid his fingers into the soft red locks. In a flash, Hux slid his arm around the other male's and yanked him onto the floor. Kylo landed on the floor at Hux's feet with a yelp. He glowered up at Hux.

"What the hell?" he pouted. 

"Ren, you're drunk."

"Oh, wow," Kylo said, his eyes growing wide in mock awe. "Is this why they made you general? Cause you're  _so_ observant? Or is cause your daddy was a big deal in the military before you?"

Hux's eyebrow twitched slightly. Kylo sat up on his elbows and blew a lock of his hair out of his face. It fell back in front of his eyes almost immediately. 

"Ren," Hux began.

"I wanna suck you off." Well, that was new to Ren. Sure, he had entertained the notion of sleeping with the general to get close to him and then backstab him, but the emphasis here was on  _entertained_. He had had no intention of following through with it, or so he'd thought.

"Kylo." Hux's jaw tightened and he glanced away from the force user's flushed face. 

"Oh, come on," Kylo drawled. "Don't tell me you don't wanna see me on my knees with your cock in my mouth." This was the alcohol talking. This was definitely the alcohol talking. 

Hux stood up. Kylo drew himself onto his knees and stared expectantly up at the general. Hux's face shifted slightly, the only indication of the emotional battle that was waging behind his eyes.

"You're drunk," he said finally. He bent down and scooped the Sith apprentice into his arms.

Kylo yelped and gripped his shoulders.

"If my cock is going to end up in your mouth, it's going to be when you're sober," Hux said as he carried the slender man into his bedroom. He deposited the knight on his bed. "Sleep this off, Kylo, and try not to be too pissy about it in the morning." He brushed a stray lock of hair out of Kylo's face before turning and leaving the room.

Kylo gaped after him. He was absolutely paralyzed by shock. He had never expected the general to refuse him on grounds of lack of sobriety. He shook his head slowly and slumped back against his pillows. He tried to reconcile the inconceivable pull he felt toward Hux. The man was a vicious, mass-murderer first and foremost, but on a day-to-day basis, he was a smart, collected, and personable man, though he did have a penchant for yelling at Kylo and calling him a child. He had also had the decency not to take advantage of a drunk Kylo.

Kylo shook his head. He hated the man; he knew that for certain, but this animosity suddenly seemed a lot more clouded than it had before.

* * *

 Kylo woke with a debilitating headache. He let out a stream of curses as he dragged himself out from under his covers and sat on the edge of the bed. He let out a low husky breath as he dropped his head in his hands. What the ever-loving fuck had he been thinking yesterday? He had literally thrown himself on Hux, and had then informed the general that he wanted to 'suck him off'. Kylo shivered at the memory of his own words.

He showered quickly as if he could wash away the memories as well as the hangover that was robbing him of graceful mobility and leaving him a tottering mess. He dressed in his usual ensemble of robes and pulled his helmet over his damp hair. He stalked quickly through the ship until he reached the control deck. Perhaps if he behaved as if nothing had occurred then Hux would follow suite. He reached the deck and stepped through the doorway. Hux stood before the large bay window, staring out at the oblivion of space that stretched before the ship. Kylo walked slowly up behind him and stopped a pace away.

"Lord Ren," Hux said with a small nod.

"General Hux," Kylo replied. He folded his arms and stared out at the expanse before them. 

"How are you feeling?" Hux's voice was pitched low so his words wouldn't travel to the crew members surrounding them. 

"Fine," Kylo said stiffly. This was not the case. It currently felt like someone was carving open his skull with a lightsaber.

Hux tossed him a wry glance, but he didn't bother calling Kylo out on his obvious lie. Kylo shifted slightly and kept his gaze averted from the general's, though the red-haired man had no way of knowing where he was looking. 

"One of the rebels who was captured in your raid yesterday has been prepared for questioning," Hux said.

Kylo's stomach twisted. The preparation Hux was referring to was sleep deprivation, while being strapped in an uncomfortable metal chair. Furthermore, this questioning fell on him to perform. Kylo took a slow breath, which caused his shoulders to rise and fall. 

"I will see to that now," Kylo said stiffly. He turned around.

"Interrogation room seven," Hux said.

Kylo nodded and left the deck. His long strides took him below deck to the floor the interrogation rooms were on. As always when he approached these rooms, a horrible twisting sensation of guilt and fear took hold of him. He knew what was expected of him: to tear open the mind of whatever unfortunate soul was trapped in the room. Kylo shivered. 

Steeling himself, he approached the interrogation cell. Two stormtroopers flanked the open cell door. There was no need to lock the room since the rebel inside of it was restrained. Kylo moved to the doorway. He rotated on the heel of his boot and stared into the room. A young woman was strapped to the chair inside. Her wide, fearful eyes had already found him. He knew he struck an intimidating figure in the doorway, cloaked in black with the dented and battered mask in place. The woman began to tremble and her whimpering reached Kylo's ears. 

Kylo moved into the room. He went directly to the chair and stared down at the woman. For some time he stood there without moving or speaking. He was taking this time to ready himself for what he had to do, but his mere presence was cracking the woman's psyche. She began sobbing and trembling. Her teeth bit into her lower lip and blood began to form around them.

"Open your mind to me," Kylo whispered. His voice came out twisted and guttural through the mask's air filter. He threw his hand up and  _reached_.

He pushed the Force through the space between them. It flowed into her mind and seeped through the crumbling cracks in the wall that protected her mind. The woman cried out as the tendrils of the Force slithered inside of her. Kylo gritted his teeth as he violated the woman's most private sanctum.

Images flashed across his vision. The battle he had taken part in yesterday replayed in front of his eyes. Explosions, shouts, gunfire, he pushed through it all, searching, prying. Finally, tucked beyond these memories, the knight latched onto a scrap of information that the woman was trying to suppress. She screamed in terror as he dragged it to the surface. He stared at her secret, laid bare to him by the Force.

Kylo stumbled back. He gasped and stared down at the woman. She had fallen unconscious, the echoes of her cries fading from the room. Ren swallowed as his mind played over the information he had uncovered: stowed away in the storage room, among the weapons and the other supplies that the First Order had taken from the surface was a bomb, set to detonate in less than ten minutes. Ren swore. He spun and hurried out of the room.

Suddenly he stopped, frozen by a thought. Would it be all that terrible for the bomb to go off? It wouldn't do excessive damage to the ship, considering its location. At best it would kill a few stormtroopers, but that was the most damage it could cause.

"You," Kylo said. He turned around and pointed to one of the stormtroopers. "Radio Hux." Kylo didn't have a radio. If he did, the general would have too easy a time getting hold of him. 

The trooper hurriedly complied. He radioed up to the deck. Eventually the transmission was rerouted to the general.

"This is Hux," the general said. 

"It's Ren," Kylo said as he stepped up beside the stormtrooper to speak into the radio. 

"What did you find out?" Hux asked. "I'm down in the storage room reviewing what was taken from--"

"You're where?" Kylo yelled, grabbing the stormtrooper's shoulder.

"In the storage room," Hux repeated. There was a question in his voice. 

"Get out of there now!" Kylo snapped. 

He could hear the general questioning him through the stormtrooper's radio, but he had already spun on his heel and was sprinting down the corridor. He couldn't let Hux get caught in that detonation. Sure, it would eliminate one of the First Order's most vital resources, but Kylo knew about the bomb; he knew and Snoke would be able to find out he knew after questioning him. If he did nothing and let the general die, his cover would be blown, and he wasn't going to let that happen until he was squeezing the life out of Snoke with his bare hands. 

"Hux!" Kylo yelled as he rounded the corner beyond which lay the storage room. 

The general looked up. He stood in the doorway with a handheld computer in his hand. He frowned. The stormtrooper beside him, who had been in the middle of talking, broke off. He cocked his head to the side as he gazed at the flustered knight.

"Ren, what's the matter?" Hux asked.

"You idiot." Kylo practically collided with the general as he skidded to a halt. 

Hux caught his shoulder and frowned at him.

"I told you to get the fuck out of here," he snarled. 

"What's wrong, Kylo?" Hux pressed.

"Leave  _ **now**_." The last word was spoken with the Force leaking into his voice. 

Hux's eyes narrowed. He could feel the Force being used on him and he shook it off with ease. His mind hadn't been broken and rebuilt multiple times for a randomly tossed out Force request from Kylo Ren to persuade him to do something.

"Kylo."

Kylo pushed past him and ran into the storage room. He looked around desperately. The trio of stormtroopers in the room looked over at him curiously. His eyes raked over the assembled boxes. Finally, his eyes fell on the one he was looking for. It was small, innocuous, and tucked at the back of the room. He ran up to it and dropped down in front of it. He flipped open the lid. 

00:12:03

Kylo stared down at the glowing numbers. His heart caught in his throat. Twelve seconds. His eyes scanned quickly over the device inside the box. He had little to no experience with explosives. The experience he did have told him nothing about how to defuse the bomb, only that they blew up, which was superfluous and useless information right now. He picked up the box and hurled it into the far corner.

"Ren, really, _what_ has gotten into you?" Hux demanded as he came up to the other man's side.

Kylo spun and stumbled to his feet. He grabbed Hux's wrist and dragged the man toward the door. They weren't going to make it. Kylo pushed Hux behind a large crate and pinned him to the floor. 

The bomb detonated.


	3. And the Voices Saying Nothing's Going to be Okay

Kylo's ears were ringing. He winced and pressed his masked face down against the soft surface beneath him. His head had already been a war zone of pain and now it was swimming with even more as the sound of the explosion died out. He lifted his head.

"Kylo," Hux coughed out around the smoke that floated in the air. "What happened?"

"Bomb," Kylo said superfluously. Honestly, what else could have happened? He realized suddenly that he was lying on top of the general. He rolled off the man, and cried out in pain.

"Kylo!" Hux hurriedly sat up and caught the knight's shoulder.

Kylo's hand had dropped to his side. It wrapped around the piece of shrapnel that had embedded in his side.

"No, don't pull it out," Hux said as his hand covered Kylo's.

"General!" The stormtrooper who had remained at the door ran over to the pair. The other three had been reduced to a pink mist by the bomb. "Sir, are you alright?" He knelt beside the general.

"Fine. Call a medical team for Lord Ren."

"Not necessary," Kylo said through gritted teeth. He sat up slowly. "I can attend to this myself."

"Ren, don't be a stubborn fool," Hux chided. 

"General, I'm fine," Kylo snarled. He stumbled to his feet and braced himself against the wall. His head swam. This would have been so much easier to deal with if he weren't so bloody hungover.

"Ren, don't be ridiculous," Hux said as he got to his feet. 

"General." Kylo dragged out the word in a steely voice, but there was an edge of  _desperation_ that he couldn't quite deny. He absolutely abhorred the medical bay. 

"Fine, let's go to your chambers. Report this," Hux ordered the remaining stormtrooper.

Kylo had already begun to hobble out of the room. Pain shot up his side. He winced and bit his lip. _That hadn't gone terribly_ , he thought to himself as he headed toward his chamber. _Could have been a lot worse._ This thought wasn't quite enough to appease his nervous system, which was enduring stabbing pain. 

"Did you find out from the prisoner about the bomb?" Hux asked as he fell into step with the knight.

"Mhm," Kylo gritted out. 

"Your warning could have been a little more specific," Hux said. 

"And you could thank me for saving your life," Kylo shot back.

"Thank you."

Kylo stopped and stared at him. Hux met his 'gaze' through the mask. Kylo hadn't expected Hux to thank him. He tilted his head to the side in confusion. Finally he shook his head and set off again. Honestly, he could have just told Hux there was a bomb and none of this would have happened, but he wasn't about to admit that to the general. 

They caused quite a stir moving through the ship together. Stormtroopers and crew members stopped to stare at the injured Knight of Ren being escorted by the general. Kylo ignored their gazes. His hand trailed along the wall all he made slow progress toward his quarters. Hux appeared nonchalant beside him, but Kylo could sense that he was ready to jump forward if Kylo took a tumble.

When Kylo reached his quarters, he went straight to his bedroom and fell onto his bed. He groaned loudly. His head was pounding and he felt like he was going to be sick. Hux followed him into the room. 

"Where's your first aide kit?"

Every living quarters on the ship was equipped with such a necessity. Kylo gestured vaguely at his bedside table. Hux crossed to it and opened the drawer. He took out the kit and set it on the bed beside Kylo.

"Get undressed. Take out the shrapnel carefully. You won't bleed out now."

Despite the situation, a shiver ran down Kylo's spine at the first two words the general had uttered. He chided himself silently as he sat up. He pulled off his helmet and dropped it to the floor. He pulled the fragment of metal out of his side with a low groan. He slowly worked off his layers. When he was finally sitting in just his loose black pants, he stared up at Hux. He felt a flush spread over him as Hux's eyes trailed over his bare chest. 

The general knelt in front of him. His fingers brushed the skin around the puckered and bloody wound in the knight's side. Kylo hissed and bit his bottom lip. The wound was slowly oozing blood. It dripped down his side and stained his pants. 

Hux set to work attending to the injury. Kylo shut his eyes and tried to push back the pain. His breathing came in shuddering gasps. His head swam and he felt close to passing out a few times. 

"All finished."

Hux's words floated to him on the waves of pain. Kylo fell back onto the bed. He heard the general call his name. He blinked his eyes open. Hux was kneeling on the bed above him. His hand was cupping Kylo's face. The knight flushed a bright red. 

"You're in pain," Hux observed. He pulled a patch from the first aide kit and stuck it onto the nape of Kylo's neck.

The patch would release a slow spread of nullicaine into his system and dull the pain. Kylo breathed a relieved sigh at the thought. Hux sat back on his heel and stared down at him. 

"Is that all you got from the prisoner?" he asked. 

"Yeah," Kylo said in a hoarse voice. 

"Good work, Kylo," Hux said as he brushed his fingers over the knight's forehead. "Get some rest now. Call me if you need anything."

Kylo nodded as he rolled onto his uninjured side and curled into a tight ball. He heard the general leave the room. Soon after, he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Kylo woke to the feeling delirious confusion. He rolled onto his back and sat up slowly. He checked the clock on his bedside table. It was morning the day after the bomb had gone off. He sighed, relieved that the pain that had plagued him the day before had entirely evaporated. He stumbled out of bed, yawning as he went and entered the bathroom. He pulled off the gauze that was wrapped around the wound, over which Hux had applied a liquid bandage. Kylo climbed into the shower. He stood under the hot water for almost a half an hour before stepping out into the steamy bathroom. 

When he was dressed in a fresh set of robes that weren't soaked with his own blood, he headed to the control deck. The general wasn't there. He was informed that Hux was in his quarters and went there. When he arrived outside the general's chambers, the door slid open. Hux always left his quarters unlocked while he was in them and on duty. He liked to be accessible for the crew. Unfortunately for him, this had often left him accessible to a very angry Kylo Ren. Today wasn't one such day.

Kylo walked into the room and looked around. The general sat behind his desk, filling out some paperwork. He looked up at the sound of Kylo's entry. 

"Ren, how are you feeling?"

"Fine," Kylo said. He went to the couch that stood across the room from the general's desk and sat down. 

"We further investigated the detonation and questioned the prisoner a bit more," Hux said. He had long since resigned himself to not getting anymore out of Kylo after he uttered the word 'fine'. "The bomb was a desperate effort to cause some damage after you had already subdued the Resistance force."

"Hm," Kylo said quietly. It was slowly dawning on him that he had no idea what he was doing here. It was perfectly reasonable for him to come to the general's quarters after an incident such as this one, but he felt decidedly embarrassed sitting there after the general had seen him half-naked, and he had yet to live down the whole being drunk incident.

"Is there something else on your mind?" Hux asked. He crossed the room and sat down on the coffee table in front of Kylo.

Kylo straightened and pulled back slightly. 

"No," Kylo replied automatically.

Hux reached forward. Kylo flinched, but he remained still as the general removed his helmet. The two males met each other's gazes. Hux placed the helmet on the table beside him. 

"Even with that ridiculous bucket on I can tell that you're lying," Hux said with a small chuckle. He placed his hand on Kylo's knee. "How much of the other night do you remember?"

Kylo flushed a deep red and looked away. He remembered absolutely everything that had happened. The memory of his alcohol-induced ramblings was burned into his mind. His dark blush was enough of an answer for the general, who chuckled lightly.

"Don't laugh at me," Kylo snapped as he knocked the man's hand away.

Hux held up his hands in a surrendering fashion. A small smirk played over his lips. Kylo growled low in his throat. He pushed forward and slipped into the general's lap. The man's eyes widened. Before he could say anything, Kylo pushed their lips together. Maybe if he slept with the man, he could say that that had sated his 'attraction' to him and he'd be done with this ridiculous scheme.

Hux's strong arms encircled his waist and pulled their chests together. Kylo gasped. Hux's tongue prodded into his mouth. Kylo moaned into the kiss. He blushed to the roots of his hair at the sound. Hux's grip around him tightened. He lifted the knight into his arms and stood up. Kylo gasped as he was dropped onto the couch. Hux knelt over him. His hand slid into Kylo's hair and pulled the knight's head back. His lips pressed against Kylo's exposed neck and his teeth scraped against his jugular. Kylo gasped as his hips bucked. 

Hux pushed his hand against Kylo's uninjured side. His hand skimmed over his abdomen and slid under the waistband of Kylo's pants. This was happening. This was really happening right now on Hux's fucking couch. Kylo bit the back of his hand and turned his head to the side. Did he want to do this? Did he not want this? His mind searched for an answer the general fisted his length and drew it out. Kylo groaned into his hand. His eyes squeezed shut. Was he disgusted? Aroused? A combination of the two? He couldn't sift through the miasma of emotions that he was drowning in.

"Kylo," Hux said as he pulled back. His thumb ghosted over the tip of Kylo's cock. "Is this okay?"

Kylo's eyes flew open. He stared up at the general as his hand fell away from his face. Hux's eyes scanned his face as he read the flurry of emotions that crossed Kylo's visage. The knight couldn't wrap his mind around the enigma that was General Hux. The man had ordered the destructions of  _entire planets_ without batting an eyelash and yet he wouldn't take another man without emphatic consent.

He reached his arms up and wrapped them around Hux's neck. The man met his lips halfway. Kylo groaned into the kiss and surrendered his mouth to the other male. Hux began to get him off with quick jerks of his hand. Kylo moaned and squirmed underneath him. Hux broke from the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. Kylo whined and thrust into his grip. The general bent down and nipped lightly at Kylo's neck. Kylo came with a gasp, his cum splattering over Hux's hands and the front of his robes. He whimpered and sagged into the couch. 

Hux continued to work his length as Kylo rode out his orgasm. The knight whined and squirmed. He shook his head as his length grew oversensitive to the general's ministrations. Hux released him and brought his dirtied hand to his mouth. Kylo stared with wide eyes as Hux carefully licked the knight's cum off his hand. 

"Hux," he breathed as his arms fell weakly onto the couch. Suddenly he pushed the general back onto the couch and slid onto the floor beside the piece of furniture.

Hux swung his legs off the couch and stared down at him. Kylo rested his hands on the man's knees and spread his legs. His eyes fixed on the general’s crotch, where he could see a small bulge. He licked his lips and leaned forward.


	4. I Feel It In My Heart, Soul, Mind That I'm Losing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: self-harm

"Kylo," Hux gasped as the Knight of Ren quickly unzipped Hux's pants.

Kylo ignored him. He focused all his attention on the hardening cock in front of him. He licked his lips and wrapped his slender hand around the general's length. He drew it out slowly. His tongue darted out and licked at the tip. Hux gasped quietly. His hips bucked and the head of his cock bumped Kylo's lips. The Sith apprentice bit his lip. His hand slowly squeezed and massaged the base of Hux's cock. 

"Kylo, you don't hav--" He broke off with a loud groan as Kylo swallowed the head of his dick.

Ren worked his tongue along the base of Hux's member as he bobbed his head slowly. He honestly had no idea what he was doing. He'd never done this before, nor had anyone ever done this to him. He must have been doing a fairly good job because he felt Hux's cock swell in his mouth and the general was releasing small gasps. Kylo shifted higher on his knees. He lowered his head further, allowing more of Hux's cock into his mouth. When his lips brushed his own hand, he pulled back slowly. He released the length with a wet pop. His tongue lapped at the head. Precome was leaking out of the slit. Kylo poked at it curiously with the tip of his tongue. It tasted bitter, but wasn't completely disgusting.

He wrapped his lips once more around Hux's dick. He wondered how much he could take of it into his mouth. He moved his hand from the base and laid it on Hux's thighs. He fisted the man's pants with both hands as he swallowed Hux's cock halfway. Hux gasped and his hips thrust upward. Kylo whined loudly as the head of Hux's cock rammed the back of throat.

"Sorry," Hux said in a tight voice.

Ren slid his lips along the general's thick girth. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as his throat spasmed around the member. He groaned loudly. Hux put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to take it all," he hissed through clenched teeth.

Ren shook off his hand. He'd take it all if he bloody well wanted to. He swallowed again and moved the rest of the way down. His nose brushed Hux's pubic hair. The man's scent was heady and pungent, but not bad actually. The tip of his cock pressed against the back of Kylo's throat. 

"Relax your throat," the general said. He clearly had no further protestations about Kylo deep-throating him as he grabbed the knight's head. He pulled him back an inch and thrust shallowly into Ren's mouth.

Ren gagged. Drool slipped over his lips and down his chin. Hux continued to fuck into his mouth slowly. Kylo's toes curled in his boots. It was honestly arousing to have the general face fuck him. His spent cock twitched slightly and he moaned. The noise sent vibrations down the general's length. Hux grunted. He slammed his hips forward sharply, burying his cock in the back of Ren's throat. The knight choked and his shoulders trembled.

"Fuck, Kylo, gonna cum," the general gritted out.

Kylo shook his head and he mewed desperately. Thankfully, the general pulled out halfway before releasing inside of Kylo's mouth. Kylo swallowed desperately to keep the cum from spilling onto his face. All the same, some leaked out around Hux's wilting cock and dribbled down his chin. The general pulled out completely, releasing Kylo's head as he did so. 

Ren slumped back on his heels. He panted loudly and wiped his face on the back of his arm.

"You okay?" Hux asked as he reached out to brush Kylo's hair out of his face.

Kylo jerked backward. His eyes went wide as it fully dawned on him what had just happened. He had just blown the general. More accurately the general had just fucked his mouth and hard to. His throat hurt a little actually. He blushed and jumped to his feet.

"Kylo," Hux said. His brows furrowed.

"I, um," Kylo muttered. He spun and grabbed his helmet off the coffee table. He jammed it onto his head and ran for the door.

"Kylo." Hux sounded incredibly exasperated.

Ren ignored him and ran out of his quarters. His heart was pounding in his chest as he hurried down the hallway. Well, that should be the end of that. The general had gotten him off and he had returned the favor. Now he could claim that he was satiated, things could go back normal, and what had just happened could never, ever,  _ever_  be mentioned  _ever_ again. Yes, that sounded perfectly reasonable.

Ren hurried below deck to one of the training rooms. He needed to get his mind off of what happened, or completely forget about it. He could think of no better way to do this than to have a projectile launcher throw random objects at him and try to catch them with the Force. If he couldn't manage that, he'd get punched in the chest with something very heavy and very metal. That should be distracting enough.

It wasn't. After almost three hours of getting his ass handed to him by the projectile launcher, Ren lay on the floor of the training room, staring up at the vaulted metal ceiling. He felt thoroughly defeated in regards to both his Force-catch practice as well as distracting himself from matters of Hux. He had, however, come to the conclusion that he was thoroughly disgusted by what had transpired in the general's quarters. This would have been all well and good and Ren could have simply moved on had it not been the fact that he found distinct pleasure in the deprecation. He sighed and sat up. At that moment the door of the training room slid open and a stormtrooper walked. In general the stormtroopers would avoid whatever training chamber Kylo was in since more often than not he would use them as target practice. Kylo frowned as he draped his arms over his knees and stared at the helmeted man.

"Lord Ren," the trooper said with a quick salute. "The general wishes for you to join him on deck."

Kylo groaned loudly. His chest as well as the wound in his side pulsed slightly. He'd have to make a concentrated effort not to let the pain show in front of the general. He wasn't in the mood to be chastised for overexerting himself while injured. He stood up and walked to the bench where he had left his heavy cloak and helmet. He put both on and followed the stormtrooper up to the bridge. Apparently Hux had in fact sent the stormtrooper to quite literally fetch him. Well, Ren was in a listening mood for once so the stormtrooper didn't have his work cut out for him. 

When he reached the bridge, Kylo steeled himself. He took a steadying breath and walked slowly over to the general's side. The man was where Ren usually found him on the bridge: in front of the large bay windows staring out at the expanse of blackness. Ren stood by his side.

"General, you asked to see me?" he asked. He was glad the helmet distorted his voice into something relatively intimidating. Otherwise his voice would have come out squeaky, like that of a schoolboy who had been ordered to the principle's office.

"Lord Ren," Hux said. He glanced at him briefly before returning his gaze to the window. "How is your injury?"

"If you called me here for innocuous questions, I'm leaving," Ren said. Even with his helmet, his tone was audibly petulant.

"I did not," Hux said curtly. "We have another lead on the map. It appears your raid wasn't a complete bust."

 _Still hung up on that_ , Ren thought dryly. He rolled his eyes. Hux was probably going to rub that in for the next month or so.

"We're plotting a course to the planet now. I will be overseeing the assault and you--" Hux turned to face Ren--"will remain completely out of it."

"What do you mean 'completely'?" Ren snapped. "You mean I won't be part of the raid at all?"

"Consider it punishment for going against orders."

"You can't do that," Ren hissed as he took a step toward the general.

"Actually, I can. Snoke put  _me_ in charge of recovering the map, which means my word is final when it comes to how the missions are executed," Hux said. He was completely unfazed by the knight, who was currently towering over him.

"You're wrong. Snoke has the final word on everything."

"Are you really going to bring this up with him?" Hux said with a smirk. "Maybe I'll tag-along. Let him know exactly why you're banned from the mission."

Kylo scoffed out a few unintelligible words of protest. Hux turned and took a step away from him.

"Well, are we going to see him or not?"

"Fine," Kylo snapped. "I won't go on the mission." He shoved past Hux and stormed off the bridge. He was positively seething. Hux had actually grounded him, like a wayward child. Kylo gritted his teeth as he stormed through the ship. He was shaking from head-to-toe. He had never felt so furious with the general before now. He knew that the previous fornication in the man's office was adding fuel to the fire. Hux had some gaul face-fucking him, pretending nothing had happen, and then banning him from a mission 'as punishment'. Kylo snarled and darted through the first door he came to. He needed to destroy something.

He found himself in a little used server room. It was empty so he didn't have to worry about dismembering someone accidentally. He ripped his saber out of his sheath and tore through the room like a barely contained whirlwind. He shredded apart the control panels and even ripped gaping holes in the walls. When he had reduced the room and everything in it to debris, he stopped and took deep, steadying breaths. He felt considerably more clear headed now. He was still boiling mad at Hux, but at least he had gotten most of the anger out of his system. 

He straightened and walked out of the server room. Two stormtroopers who had stood frozen at the end of the hallway upon hearing Kylo's rampage quickly turned around and rushed away down the corridor. Ren growled under his breath. He knew his antics would get back to the general, which would give Hux further ammunition with which to scold him.

Kylo huffed in annoyance and headed to his quarters. He would have gone back to the training room had it not been for the fact that he had ripped open his wound. He could feel blood trickling down his side. He grimaced. 

When he reached his chambers, he stripped to down to his pants. He cast the clothing aside as he walked into his bedroom and even chucked his helmet to the side. He sat down on his bed and pulled out the first aide kit. He cleaned up the wound and resealed it with liquid bandaging. He taped gauze over that as well. 

He stared down at his chest, which was black and blue from the beating he had received from the projectile launcher. He poked at his ribs and gasped quietly. They probably weren't broken, at worse just fractured. Kylo poked another bruise and gasped again as pain flooded his body. The bruising and the puncture wound would heal soon enough, and, in the case of the wound in his side, leave absolutely no trace. He had long since perfected the ability to heal using the Force, since the only thing he appeared to be any good at was getting himself hurt.

With this in mind, he slowly drew out the thin blade he kept in the first aide kit. It wasn't unusual to have a blade in a first aide kit, so he hadn't been too concerned about Hux finding it when he had patched Ren. 

Kylo slid off the bed and sat cross-legged on the floor. He moved the first aide kit onto the floor as well and laid out some bandages and gauze. He brought the blade to the inside of his forearm and dragged it slowly across his skin. He winced slightly. While he wouldn't scar because of the Force, the last cluster of cuts he had left were still barely visible on his arms. They were ghostly white and only visible if you looked at his arm at a certain angle and the light caught them.

Ren sliced the blade along his skin a couple more times. Blood bubbled up from the wound. When the first bead trickled off his arm and plopped onto the floor, he put the blade down and picked up the gauze. He pressed it against the wounds and waited for a brief moment for it to soak up the blood. This was the part that gave him the motivation to cut himself. The pain was a relief, yes, but fixing himself up afterward was always such a calming act. This was something he could actually clean up, fix, put back together again, unlike everything else in his life that remained in shambles no matter what he did. 

He dropped the soaked gauze to the floor and wrapped his arm in bandages. This had become something of a meditative practice for him. It was also habitual. He would do it after almost all of his temper tantrums as one last way to quell the anger. He tossed the used gauze into the trash bin by the bed and put everything away into the first aide kit. He shut the lid. Suddenly, his bedroom door slid open. Kylo gasped and shoved his arm quickly behind his back. Hux stepped into the room and stared down at him.

"Didn't you ever learn how to knock?" Kylo snapped as he scowled up at him.

"What did you do to yourself?" Hux said with a sigh as he crouched down in front of the knight.

Kylo blanched, but the man only rested his fingers lightly on Kylo's chest and traced over the multiple bruises that decorated his chest.

"None of your business," Kylo snapped as he knocked the man's hand away. "What do you want anyway?"

"You destroyed a server room." Hux's face darkened as he stood up and glared down at Kylo.

"So?"

Hux growled. He grabbed Kylo by his hair and dragged him to his feet. Kylo yelped. He latched onto the other male's forearm and tried to pull him off his hair, but this only served to yank on his locks more. Kylo stopped and opted for simply scowling at the general.

"You damaged vital ship equipment, again," Hux said in a low voice. He was angry,  _very_ angry.

"Fuck off!" Kylo yelled at him. "And fucking let go of me."

"Stop acting like a petulant brat, Ren!" Hux shouted back at him. "Maybe if you weren't such a useless, volatile child, you could actually be of some use to the Supreme Leader."

"Enough!" Kylo screamed.

The Force exploded out from him. Hux was slammed back against the wall. He grunted. The Force continued to pin him to the wall a few feet off the ground. Kylo quaked from head to toe and his breathing came in short gasps. All the anger he had worked to dispel through the destruction of the server room and the cutting had now come rushing back. He took a slow step toward the general.

"Useless?" he whispered quietly. "Me? That's rich coming from you. What great successes have you brought the First Order, hm?" Kylo was now only a few inches from the general. He sneered up at him. "I'm not the only one looking for that map, general. So are you, and you're the one in charge of the search as you pointed out. So who's fault is it really that we don't have the map? Mine? I don't think so," Kylo scoffed. "The fault's all yours, general, and I for one am not surprised that we're floundering in that regard. What else would you expect of the bastard child who got here because of his daddy's former rank and sucking off his superiors."

"Oh, you want to talk about sucking off superiors, Ren?" Hux said with a smirk.

"Shut up," Kylo snapped as his cheeks were flooded with color.

"Let me down, Ren," Hux shot back. He was straining against the Force that was holding him in place, but to no avail.

"I actually quite like having you like this." Kylo cocked his head to the side as he appraised the general.

"Funny, I quite liked having you on your knees with my cock in your mouth."

Kylo flushed and took a quick step back. His hold on the Force faltered. Hux dropped to the floor. The general's hand shot out and he struck Ren across the face. Kylo gasped as pain shot through his face and his ears rang. He twisted away from the general and cradled his cheek in his hand. Hux grabbed the back of his neck. Kylo cried out in surprise as Hux dragged him to the bed and pinned him face down on the mattress.

"Don't you ever," Hux hissed, " _ever_ use the Force on me again. You understand me, Ren? And don't ever talk to me about my position again." Hux slammed his full weight down on the knight, who whimpered from the painful pressure on his neck. "I won't be as forgiving next time." With that, he released his hold on Kylo and marched out of the room.

Kylo panted as he slipped onto his knees. He pressed his forehead against the mattress as he tried to get his breathing under control. He came to the realization as he slowly calmed down that he was unmistakably aroused. He pressed his heel against the front of his pants and moaned into the mattress. It was humiliating to say the least to get aroused from being pinned down by an incredibly angry general.

Kylo moaned again at the thought. He slipped his hand into his pants and drew out his half-hard length. He jerked himself off quickly. He could still feel the general's hand on the back of his neck. He whimpered quietly at the thought. He imagined that the general still had him pinned to the bed and that it was his hand wrapped around his cock. Kylo whined and tugged harshly on his dick. His toes curled. After a few more moments of jerking himself off, he came hard over his hand as well as the bed sheet. He moaned loudly and slumped against the side of the bed.

He stared down at the sticky, white substance that coated his hand. He grimaced in disgust and quickly wiped his hand on the bed sheet. He felt absolutely disgusting, which did nothing to mitigate the afterglow of the orgasm. If anything, it added to it. Kylo shook his head. What the hell was he doing? He had only said he was 'attracted' to the general as a cover up, but now he was starting to believe his own lie. 

Ren shook his head again. It wasn't like the general was going to have anything to do with him ever again. He was probably as disgusted with Ren as the knight was with himself without the added arousal that came with it. Ren groaned as he got to his feet. He needed to get his mind off the general. Pummeling himself in the training room hadn't helped. He crawled into bed. Maybe sleeping for an undesignated amount of time would do the trick. He closed his eyes and slipped into a meditative state. This was the fastest way for him to fall asleep, and it would also keep his mind empty of thoughts of Hux.


End file.
